Q: Dr. Pettis how do you deal with someone who never wants to confront problems or brush things under the rug?

A: By nature we would all like life to be perfect; but when a person does not want to confront something its fear in the midst; confrontation does not have to be a bad thing. With confrontation there is correction, and confrontation is a good thing, without confronting a person can continue on a downward spiral. In any relationship a person may not want to confront their issues from fear of losing the person. Some people would rather stay in denial or put things on the shelf from fear.  We have to change our perception of confrontation; confrontation will help strengthen any relationship.

Q: Dr. Pettis, what is it the one thing you wish every church member would do?

A: In short, I wish every member would simply do… their… part. The Bible says “Obedience is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22) and many tend to sacrifice because others aren’t obedient. When everyone does their part, it makes it easier on the entire group.

Dr. Pettis. have you ever dealt with insecurity in ministry?

Absolutely, insecurities come with something new or when you are not sure. I came from a Baptist denomination and I was never a good “hooper”, which is a popular preaching style in the Baptist church. My voice was not really equipped for “hooping” but I made it my own. Also, I had insecurities when I took over as Pastor when it came to actually teaching the ministry. Since my father was a great teacher, I knew the importance of it but I avoided it out of insecurity. But today, teaching is my greatest strength. You cannot grow a ministry up in maturity with preaching alone; you have to teach them.

Dr. Pettis, when does a woman’s “helping anointing” become a hindrance when the man does not want to be helped?

As an anointing from God, women are designed to help. But only when there is a vision – not to help foolishness because at that point she is an enabler. She has to use her wisdom to not help or put her energy somewhere that is not beneficial. At that point it is up to her to move from a relationship where her help is not desired.

I enjoy my mate but I really enjoy my alone time as well. How important is it for couples to do things together? 

It is important for couples to do things together to strengthen and build a relationship; this also promotes growth in the relationship.  When you learn new things together, it is exciting and promotes commonality and talking points. You will learn to enjoy each other and do things together. On the flip side, constantly doing things alone can lead to your partner getting used to doing things without you or being used to experiencing new things without you. This can lead to single-like behavior.

I desire to live a healthy lifestyle. What can you suggest to help?

This should be a long-term goal and not just for the warmer seasons or for a special event. You should also meditate on health scriptures such as ones talking about your youth and health being renewed (Psalm 103:5) or the 120 year life span scripture (Genesis 6:3). Moses was a good example; when he died, his eyes were not dim and his natural forces were not abated. When you with meditate on the scripture, it will produce an inner image on the inside of you. It will draw you to a healthier lifestyle and lead you to making healthier choices.

How do I deal with rejection and not succumb to the feeling of being “not enough”?

You have to change your perception and how you receive things from people. Second Corinthians 4:9 speaks of being “persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed”. Without saying it explicitly, this scripture speaks about perception. There are many ways to look at a situation – one can see a situation of losing a friend or partner as “I have been rejected” and another can see the same situation as “I now have a better opportunity to find someone better”.
If rejection is rooted within you, you can get used to being rejected and not even ask or expect things. Rejection is a choice and comes usually when self-esteem is low. Also, what some people say should not matter or hold a lot of weight to you.
Lastly, insecurities and issues should not be pushed under the rug or avoided. You have to be your own biggest supporter and the biggest critic. No one can cheer you on like yourself and no one can make you feel worse than you.

How can you tell if you are in a “faith fight” or if God is preventing something from coming your way?

When you are in faith fight, patience shows up when your faith is tried. Patience shows up so you can endure and not be moved by trials. If the trying of your faith stops you, you have to question if you were really in faith. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but it is important to know where you are at. Count it all joy when your faith is tested (James 1: 2-8).

God will also let you know if this is Him intervening; ask God for wisdom. Remember the Bible says “there is a way that seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death” (Proverbs 14:12). God will direct your path. Don’t end up with an Ishmael and not an Isaac – remember, good or bad, God will allow what you allow.

Q: What do you think about husbands and wives having separate bank accounts?
A: If both spouses are in agreement and it’s not done maliciously or to hide funds, this can definitely work. Whether it is separate or joint accounts, it is important that both spouses agree and are open and honest with what they have and with what they are purchasing. Sometimes a joint bank account can be a strain on a marriage if one spouse is not a very good financial steward. Both ways have their benefits – sometimes separate accounts can be better for surprise gifts. The key is that both spouses are in complete agreement to have separate accounts while allowing your spouse insight into your account and what you have.

Q: I’m an adult, but I feel I didn’t have a good upbringing as a child. Should parents ever apologize to their children for their mistakes?
A: There are many adults who still carry issues from their childhood and these things will never go away unless you address them and face them head-on. Keep in mind there is no such thing as a perfect parent because there such a thing as a perfect person. Most people, including parents, make decisions based on the knowledge they have at that point in their life. Mistakes can be made based on the lack of knowledge at that time. Also, ignorance plays a part and can leave room for mistakes. In some cases, parents simply did not know how to be parents. This can sound like an excuse but one cannot give something that is not in them (such as parenting).
Mistakes can also be made due to selfishness on the parent’s part and the fact they did not make their child a priority. By the same token, some children also have a selfish mindset. For example, they get upset 20 years later because they didn’t get the latest name-brand clothing that their peers did.
This issue really is situational but it is not out of order for a parent to apologize. If this is bothering you, discuss it with your parents and ask God to help you with understanding and to get past this – He will. It is not good for anyone to carry past hurts because this will cause issues in your future.

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